Don’t Let Anyone Tell You Who The F*ck You Are
There is no better feeling in this world than to remain completely unbothered. When life hands you difficulties you must know the importance of being able to conquer them with poise and your head held high.
Addiction can erode your sense of value, leaving you feeling ashamed, undeserving, and disconnected from your true self. But know this - your worth was never diminished, even at your lowest point. It was simply obscured by the darkness for only a brief moment. Now that you have found the strength to achieve sobriety, it is time to shine a light on your inherent dignity and value.
To some this may seem unrealistic. It’s not. When we emotionally attach ourselves to others we care for, certain expectations/outcomes, and opinions of the world we set ourselves up for failure.
We allow so many things to dictate how we perceive ourselves. The way we feel about ourselves, alters and affects how we treat ourselves. As well as, how we respond to the rest of the world. Why ever consider giving so much of your power away like that?
Confidence can be difficult to acquire to begin with, and we can make it so easy for others to chip away at it. It’s time to stop doing that shit. Everybody has a story. Over the course of our lives we encounter certain individuals or set circumstances that make a lasting negative impact. It’s up to you to change that narrative.
When you proactively work on yourself and overcome life's tribulations you open the door of opportunity to intimately getting to knowing who you truly are.
Each one of us uniquely made; and made that way for a reason. Whether you intentionally set out to do so, or life forces you to - there comes a time that you will get to see what you’re truly made of.
There come’s a time that you discover your true potential and purpose. There comes a point when someone else’s judgmental critique of you isn’t automatically morphed into your reality, but is turned into a statement you tell them to shove right up their ass.
When you become aware of who you are, the value you have, and admire all that makes you you, it becomes a joke when someone else tries to tell you who the fuck you are. That nonsense goes in one ear and out the other.
From personal experience, I have learned the importance of reminding myself, that no matter how I might be feeling certain days, that I’m still worthy.
We all come with imperfections, and character defects. The whole purpose of this life is to learn and grow. Make mistakes and make better calls the next time around. You will face challenges and overcome them, so you can be made aware of the true strength and resilience you have.
Give yourself a goddamn break. With the lessons and milestones we attain, we should be encouraging one another to get up and do the same. Anyone who cuts you down, doesn’t clap for your victories, or help you navigate through your lowest moments doesn’t deserve even a second of your time.
We all hit rough patches. It’s impossible to be happy go lucky and joyous at all times. We all have our own personal journeys given to us to experience. And, unfortunately, they come with both celebratory moments and defeating moments - it’s a given. But it’s okay. We’re all forced to face the fire on more than one occasion, but it’s how you walk through the fire that matters most.
When you are able to reflect on certain aspects of your life and pinpoint the areas you have allowed internal turmoil to blossom, note you can’t go back and change that shit.
You cannot control other people, the things they do, the way they make you feel, or the hurt, pain, and abuse they’ve inflicted. But, you do have the power to change how you let that consume you and your life. You do have the power to not let that rob you of so many things life has to offer. Hate, resentments, grief, grudges, anger, all are heavy as hell to carry. The only person you are every truly hurting is yourself.
When you can identify these things and come to peace with them, that’s when the real magic happens. When you can confidently say “Yes that did happen.” “Yes, I did do that.” You give yourself grace. You allow yourself the pleasure of having these ugly things come into your life and be only fleeting passing moments.
When you’re able to fully and truly make peace with your past, with yourself, and with your traumas - you are giving yourself the greatest gift of all. Harsh words, and judgement from others at this point will be nothing more to you than a red flag that they clearly have their own internal work to do. Let it go.
“Nobody can use the things I admit publicly or privately against me. Doing so means I’m at peace with them. Points for trying though.”
When you release the pressure of people pleasing, and the need for others to fill emptiness and voids you have within yourself by fulfilling them on your own, it’s complete freedom. It’s a breath of fresh air.
Your confidence comes from the strength you demonstrate when you overcome life’s hardships. Your strength comes from the madness you survive. When you are put in a troubling position, or something you think that you will never overcome, and you make it out to the other side, it’s not only humbling, but it sets the tone for any other future turbulence in store.
You’re made aware of your greatness and upmost potential. Unpleasant occurrences no longer become something you personally shame or show embarrassment over, they become part of your testimony. They become your stepping stones. They become inspiration for others.
There will be moments in your life where maybe you genuinely don’t feel the best about yourself. You made a poor choice, choose the wrong person, went down the wrong path, hurt someone who meant a lot you… Self-awareness is a must.
It’s important to identify these things, take ownership, and accountability when it is due. HOWEVER, you’re not going to stay stuck here. You are not going to self-destruct. You are not going to let others opinions dictate your life. You are not going to get consumed in what is no longer in your control.
It’s easy for those on the outside to try to actively contribute to something they are not personally experiencing or going through themselves. Give yourself some grace. And don’t be overly disappointed if others can’t.
Sometimes people are not aware of the power their words/actions hold. Once words are said/ things are done, they can never be taken back. How you respond is the critical part.
Having boundaries and standing up for yourself isn’t always the easiest thing to do. You are more prone to accepting these harmful behaviors from others when you are down on yourself. Don’t let that shit slide. No one has the right to ever be disrespectful, hurtful, or cruel (intentionally or not) it is up to you to set the standard for what you will and won’t allow.
I allowed my “friends” in high school and my younger adolescent years to jokingly call me by distasteful nicknames for a good laugh, because I was tall. I allowed myself to join in on the humor and act unfazed. I allowed that to also hinder me from ever feeling beautiful. I allowed that to install the automatic thought process of comparing myself to every other girl I ever came into contact with. I allowed that to mentally make me believe I was the “big girl” I allowed that stop me from taking pictures. I allowed that to stop me from wearing shorts in the summer months and wearing a swimsuit for years. I allowed that to distort how I thought men might look and perceive me. I allowed that to make me count my calories and food intake for years. I allowed that to make me refrain from ever owning a bathroom scale in my own home. I allowed it.
I allowed a man who claimed to love me lose his temper and call me every vulgar word under the sun. I allowed myself to make excuses for him. I allowed myself to be lied to. I allowed myself to believe that’s what I deserved. I allowed myself to stay. I allowed him to control and dictate every aspect of my life to prove I cared. I allowed him to put his hands on me. I allowed him to tell me that it was my fault. I allowed that relationship to lead me back to self-destruction. I allowed that relationship to bring me back to drinking. I allowed that relationship to isolate me. I allowed that relationship to alter how I treated anyone else after who tried to care for me properly. I allowed it.
I allowed people to be harsh and pass judgements on me while I struggled with addiction and substance use. I allowed others to bash me for what they thought I went through, or better yet what “I was choosing” to do with my life. I allowed the words of others not sharing in my hardships to put me in a position where I gave up. I allowed others lack of faith in me, to rid me of all the faith I once had in myself. I allowed it.
Illustrate how you need to be treated. When you find the courage and willpower to love yourself, it tends to lead others to follow suit.
“The first time you choose yourself will feel like a mistake. One day it will just be habit.”
If someone or something is bringing little to no value to your life or contributing to the harmful/troubling thoughts and actions you’re portraying onto yourself, THEY’VE GOTTA GO!
This is where implementing your boundaries for your mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing come into play. The more you tolerate and allow, the longer it will continue to go on.
I won’t lie when you decide to weed your life of people, places, and things that mean you no good, you’ll find out rather quickly it’s gets lonely. You come to find out what relationships hold true significance, and more times than none, they are far and few in between.
Once you experience the true peace that comes from voiding out all toxic environments and those tied to them, you rediscover a newfound gratitude for what remains. Family, friends, and partners, that hold value and value you are so important and worth cherishing.
These are the people that remind you of your greatness, no matter what your state or circumstances might look like. These are the people who matter most.
Doing the internal work can be challenging. Be patient with yourself. There’s no set timeline for this shit. You learn from your experiences. You can seek help in other forms and methods along the way, but ultimately you learn and prosper from the obstacles you personally face.
There’s not one person that walks this God’s green earth that can try to tell you who you are after all you have worked through and overcome.
I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy… but it’ll be worth it. At the end of the day if you can sit with yourself and be at peace with the things you’ve done, the elements of your past, and all of the things you’ve already surpassed - the feeling is unmatched. At that point, when you are in a place of true acceptance with yourself and your circumstances, the rest becomes irrelevant. You truly regain and rebuild confidence in these times of triumph.
When I look back on all the things at one point I once allowed to deplete me… I would never tolerate any of that shit today…..
Someone wants to comment on my size? I remind myself I am made beautifully on my own. I remind myself my body has gotten me through a lot of shit and for that I’m grateful. I remind myself that this body has given birth to two amazing children. I remind myself that no one is me. I eat whatever food I want. I wear whatever clothes I’m comfortable in and if I’m not someone else’s cup of tea… well so be it.
A man wants to come into my life and make me feel inferior? He wants to lose his temper and cuss me out? He wants to lie or cheat? I’m not signing myself up for that shit. You’re grown, learn to handle your emotions and control your mouth. It’s not my job to tolerate what rolls off of your tongue. I’m better than that. Establish and clarify from the jump what is and isn’t acceptable. Those who choose to dismiss those things, need to go. If you can’t respect yourself enough to follow through with the limits you yourself set, how can you expect anyone else to?
Someone wants to pick me apart for my past? Remind me of the things I encountered like I forgot? They want to call me a “junkie” or make assumptions that they know what I went through as I crawled my way out of the hole I was in before finding recovery and a life of sobriety? All the more power to you. When you go without your child, sit in jail for over a year, overdose, and end up on the streets you let me know how that goes for you. Until then sit the fu*k down. Thank You.
I strongly encourage you to do some major self-reflecting and remind yourself that no matter where life’s taken you thus far, you’re a fucking warrior!
No matter what this life presents you with, I can promise you you hold all the potential to power through it. I promise you there’s people on the sidelines watching you and cheering you on. I promise you that you’re inspiring people that pretend to not even see you. I promise you those who try to get in your way and make you stumble, are only crossing your path and on their way to their very own trials and tribulations. Keep going. Keep fighting. And never forget who the fuck you are!
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